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The most asked question I get…

Nearly everyone who works with me will ask at some point ‘How do you explain what you do?’ Because when you’re working with me, what I’m doing isn’t the focus. You are. You hold the key.

The reason that question is so popular is because what I’m doing to get your results is unfathomable. And that’s why I’m hired.

I dreamt about the Wizard of Oz last night. And this is as good as any metaphor for what I perceive when I work with someone. Remember Dorothy, the yellow brick road, ‘there’s no place like home’ and the characters who were missing something about themselves that the great Oz was going to fix. This narrative is the one you want to see. The one that influences and contributes to every thought you have, decision you make and action you take. The story you’re telling yourself is untrue. Or you’d be getting the results you want in all areas of your life with no need to ‘manage’ or settle for less.

If Dorothy was my client, here’s the truth: You’re not Dorothy. You may think you are, but you’re mistaken. You might dream of a different kind of world. But you never have been or are lost. You know exactly where you are and what you’re doing, saying and being, at all times. There is no one yellow brick road to where you’re headed. There are multiple, infinite possibilities that are uncountable. The search for the Great Oz? Futile. No-one is ever missing something about themselves that can ever be fixed by someone or something outside themselves. You have all the resources you’ll ever require, need or want. Resources don’t lay outside of you. Ever.

I watched that movie a lot as a kid. It doesn’t mean I buy a single thing about it as reality now. I update my client’s psyche. What fairy story are you walking around in, never questioning because it’s ‘just the way it is’. Nothing is the way it is, unless you decide it.

Stop managing yourself, as long as you are, you’re settling for less. DM me or book a call to start the application process: https://Kathrynwakefield.as.me/?appointmentType=17780775

Two sides to my baby loss story

This week is baby loss awareness week. The 15th Oct at 7.00pm marks ‘wave of light’. It offers the opportunity for parents who have lost a child or pregnancy to remember them.

I wrote a blog 7 years ago about my first baby loss. The loss turned my inner world upside down and inside out. The circumstances were unusual and I’d never heard of a missed miscarriage, before the consultant told me the news. Looking back, I can recall the exact moment I stepped out of my body in shock. I can also recall the exact moment I did the same thing for each of the following two miscarriages and ectopic pregnancy. In psychiatry this is called ‘splitting’ and describes it as the inability to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. In trauma theory it’s described as ‘a piece of the personality breaking off inside and forms a new individual.’ I was unwilling to face the reality. The emotional turmoil and grief was like nothing I’d felt before. Oh no, I had tastes of it over my life, but I’d pushed that all away ;-. Activating our deepest emotions engages the vagus nerve or the fight, flight or freeze response, which in turn embeds the trauma in our body. It affected all my decisions, responses and actions from then. Dissolving opposing beliefs is an art. An art that required more commitment from me, when 2 more miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy followed over the years. My coaching career meant I had had psychotherapeutic training, but clearly seeing my inner world was impossible in the turmoil. I engaged an amazing psychodynamic therapist for several years and turned to my own systemic coaching mentors, peers and constellators along the way for support.

Here’s the other side of the story. I know I’m not living if I’m not in the present, available to the moment that’s right now. Paying ourselves love and attention is a requirement for being human today. I use the word ‘pay’ on purpose. We pay for so much without a thought and yet very little of our attention goes towards loving ourselves. Nothing outside of us will ever quench our thirst, unless we are willing to examine why we seek it in the first place. The energetic patterns that cause the seeking in the first place, that we hold, have nothing to do with time and space as we know it. They make no sense in our linear, time bound, material world. Our energetic patterns carve the life we have. Judging ourselves for them is literally asking for punishment. Examining them with curiosity is our only relief in my experience. We cannot evolve without trauma, to examine and enable human kind to evolve beyond our bodies survival mechanisms. What if the whole of human kind knew that most of their beliefs, views and actions were from our bodies survival mechanisms and could be conscious choices instead?

Whatever trauma you’ve faced, because we all have scars along the way, I encourage mastering the art of your energy and all the opposing views you may not wish to even acknowledge you have, not just the point of view you’re experiencing right now. What if you made more conscious choices? It’ll take unwavering discipline to pay attention to yourself, your state and your actions, so how daring do you feel right now? Daring enough to re-write your history?